I gave Gus van Sant a third chance.

And I am sorely, sorely regretting it.

How does this asshole get taken so seriously? HIS FILMS ARE FUCKING BORING AS SHIT.

The only non-boring thing about them is that they make me so fucking angry.

I'm watching Gerry right now and what the fuck is going on? I don't fucking know. Two assholes walking around the fucking desert I guess. I don't even know where this desert is. It's so hard to pay attention to boring shit like this. I mean, it's not even filmed very well. This stupid desert is not the slightest bit picturesque at all.

I fell asleep during My Own Private Idaho (ironic, no?), Elephant was a piece of fucking crap too and now this Gerry thing? Why the fuck did I buy this? Oh, that's right, it was two dollars. Rightfully fucking so.

I was still really into Nirvana when Last Days came out and of course I'll always love Kim Gordon, and Michael Pitt is not without some charm but there is no fucking way I'm putting myself through that thing. Even van Sant fans said it was shite. The stupid fucking idiot even remade Psycho. Which to me is the most pointless move anyone has ever made in the entire history of the world. You think me writing this blog is pointless? No. Gus van Sant's remake of Psycho rewrites the dictionary definition of pointless.

I don't understand how this guy even has fans.

I guess it was Milk? Even I can admit that that film is fucking great. So great that even that fucking douche Sean Penn somehow redeemed himself in my eyes.

Okay you know what is infuriating me the most about this film? I must be at least halfway through and I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THESE ASSHOLES ARE DOING. WHO ARE THEY. WHY ARE THEY WANDERING THROUGH A FUCKING DESERT.

I want to say to van Sant, "Okay, I get that you are trying to go against traditional film-making, narrative and even cinematography but you are doing it terribly. You make ugly, boring films and I hate your douchebag asshole hipster artschool cunt fans that enable you to keep doing idiotic shit like this."

I mean, I am not the kind of person who needs or even likes their films to be beautiful or tell a story or make sense. I would say that my top ten films are Beetlejuice, Romy & Michele's High School Reunion, Pink Flamingos, Team America, Shaun of the Dead, Silence of the Lambs, Harold & Maude, Heathers, The Big Lebowski and Pineapple Express. And I like the films of Wes Anderson, Pedro Almodovar, Stanley Kubrick and Alfred Hitchcock. You might even say that I have the taste of an asshole. But at least I know what I like.

I have come to the conclusion that if you like dumb, stupid, pointless, meandering Gus van Sant films then you are exactly that. Dumb, stupid, pointless, meandering, and you just don't know what you like. You watch what idiots tell you to watch and somehow this asshole gets enough money to continue assholing off on screen. THANKS A FUCKING LOT.

This is essentially what the past two hours of my life looked like:

Oh, it looks like something is about to happen, does it? Guess again. This single shot is literally as interesting as this DULL AS FUCKING SHIT film gets. Don't watch it. Just don't.