Band Predictions for 2009

The bands I think are going to make it big next year:

Flippu - Healing, Acapella & Easy Listening

Made up of the two Coreys (Feldman & Haim), Flippu is a remarkable band who are releasing their first album on August 31st, 2008. This will surely be an epic debut.
How to put their music into words? Well, I believe they do it best themselves, on their website -
www.myspace.com/flippu. Be sure to check out my personal favourite, The Magic Roundabout of Doom, but don't forget about Margaret Thatcher and Curlews. Their album, Epic Wind Or Hail, will be in stores in September.

Coveted By Apes - Folk Metal

Coveted By Apes should please the ears of any listener, whether they are 3 or 91. Their first album, Not Without My Bike, features the songs Gimp Without a Bike, You Are Epic Fail, Faux Germanic, Haast, Mr. T Will Eat Your Soul, Gestalt, You Smell Like Fail, and Beast Cometh. All of these songs are a joy to the ears - their unique brand of folk metal is best listened to after a hard day at the office. It will be released in January 2009 to a salivating audience desperate to satiate their demonic needs.

Immediate Grape Reward - Indie

Immediate Grape Reward are quite possibly the greatest band since The Beatles. I really cannot put into words how epically awesome they are. Of course they are still pretty underground, but keep your ears and eyes out for the songs Lavender Washing Powder and Cinnamon Buns & Tea, which are particularly beautiful. Their fashion sense is also epically great - you will know who they are because they always wear very interesting clothes, all of which deliberately clash and look like they were recovered from a skip or an Op Shop. Their EP, Sparrows, Squirrels & Teapots, will be released on Skinny Jeans records in December 2008.

I will be posting the album covers later so you know what to look for in record stores!

Gay Coffee

Gay coffee is a cultural phenomenon that I have recently become aware of. I have a friend, well. And he was really excited about going to "gay coffee". Wait, what did you say? Gay coffee? How can coffee be gay? WELL...

The Six Steps of Gay Coffee:

1. The beans are picked from male coffee plants that have been cross pollinated, picked, roasted, packed, and shipped by gay males.

2. The milk is extracted from lesbian cows who have been fathered by a bull that showed extreme sexual interest in other bulls. They are milked by gay dairy men who work in the nude, and shower together after a shift. The milk is processed and shipped by gay males.

3. The sugar is grown on a plantation owned by a big southern gay, and worked by other southern gays. It gets shipped by more southern gays, and they are southern gay.

4. The owners, builders, staff, and customers of the café where GAY COFFEE is held are all exclusively 100% gay. The café is in a gay community, is promoted in gay media, and is advertised 'by word of mouth' by gay males.

5. ???

6. GAY PROFIT!



Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.