How to decode someone with an anxiety disorder.

lipstickandsidewalk

Things we can’t help but do all the time:

1. second-guess ourselves
2. behave impulsively and reactively
3. worry
4. have difficulty accepting compliments
5. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
6. have difficulty finding the courage to respond
7. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions

things you should keep in mind:

1. we’re scared of everything
2. pretty much all of the time
3. it’s an actual disorder
4. it manifests as impulsive behavior
5. you can’t fix us with words
6. also, we wear a lot of armor
7. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
8. we constructed this armor as children
9. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
10. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

1. stick around
2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
3. be willing to change the place or situation if not
4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
5. talk to them even when they might not talk back
6. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally
7. give them time to respond to you
8. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
9. they will anticipate being judged

things you shouldn’t do:

1. tell us not to worry
2. tell us we’ll be fine
3. mistake praise for comfort
4. ask us if we are “getting help”
5. force us to be social
6. force us to do things that trigger us
7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work
8. it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

1. be calm
2. be patient
3. don’t be condescending
4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”
5. sit with us
6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
7. remind us that we are breathing
8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
10. or breathe through our nose
11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
13. help us change it
14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side is enough to calm us down.

Luckily I haven't had a panic attack in years. But this whole thing is pretty accurate.