Gotti Guidos: Wtf?

So, what the fuck are these hideous beasts?

Being that I am not from New Jersey, I have no idea what the appeal of these ugly freaks is. But looking this fucked up seems to be the latest obsession.

I was recently disturbed to learn that someone I used to be friends with has turned into one of these creatures. An orange gargoyle.

Well, I say 'disturbed'. I really mean I was laughing my arse off.

I will now regale you with pictures of these Oompa Loompa-looking manimals.

I think he might be vomiting into her mouth.

One bottle for each anus.

"It's like, okay if I smoke because like, fake tits don't get cancer and stuff?"
The front one was later exiled for not owning a pink shirt and not covering up his retardedness with enough fake tan. Suffice to say, he did not pull any that night, and now spends his nights sitting alone in a darkened room.

"We're just like Barbie and Ken! Uh no, we're not going to a costume party? Why do you, like, ask? LOL! We like totz use the same brand of fake tan and lip gloss. Isn't that, like, romantic?"

"Don't worry, they're fake, it doesn't hurt. I'm actually marrying one of them. I forget which. Oh, you're wondering about our mouths? Yeah, they have blowjob cramp."

"We want your soul...and money so we can buy more fake tan."

"See, we mixed it up a little here...we're recalling the classic Wham! era Michael George look with a modern twist - mass amounts of fake tan and a touch of vomit on the chest. Being orange and getting wasted at the club is so in. We're so hot right now."
The guy in the back tries to look as retarded as the two in front. Just about made it, too. Fitting in is important.
Hey, you in the pale blue dress...hate to break it to you honey, but your boyfriend's a gotti gotti guido. Didn't you wonder why he likes your fake tan and lip gloss so much?

I now pronounce you...god only knows what.

The caption says, "You're an embarrassment to humanity," in case anyone was wondering.

Keepin' it real for Jesus.



And I saved the best till last:

I am Gotti: Am I cutesie?
Well, no, but you sure do look a hell of a lot like Robin Williams...

Seriously, if Soylent Green ever happens (and it will), these are the ones the tasty snack should be made out of. Living proof that some people in America have WAY too much money.