Sonic Youth is one of my top three bands of all time, and Kim Gordon has been one of my heroes and role models since I was a teenager so needless to say, I was ecstatic when I found out she was publishing a memoir.
I was pleased to find that Girl In A Band is much more than a memoir. It's Kim's cry of independence from Thurston Moore, her ex-husband (and bit of a "fuck you" to him too); it's her saying I'm MORE than a girl in a band. Kim is an artist, a feminist, a musician, a writer, an actress and a mother.
Her style of writing is articulate, clear, frank, honest and easy to follow.
The book begins with her childhood and teenage years growing up in California with her father, emotionally distant mother and schizophrenic, bullying brother, which is in many ways the most fascinating part of the book. Kim explains that her relationship with her brother framed who she would become as a woman, a feminist and girlfriend. One of my favourite quotes of hers from the book is about how women innately feel the need to please, to be good, and how her family life really pushed that on her because of her brother.
From the outside, Kim's life may seem charmed, but learning about her brother, Keller, and her family life, you realise the opposite is true. I also hugely empathised with her when she spoke about how hard it was to be a hypersensitive person who had to constantly quash her own emotions, lest she be bullied by her brother just for having them. She explains that this is why, to many people, she comes across as "cold" or "emotionless".
Once Kim gets to the part where she moves to New York, the book moves at a much faster pace as she explains the people she meets that eventually lead her to Thurston and forming Sonic Youth. She says that she finds it hard to write about New York, because "it's hard to write about a love story when you have a broken heart", and it shows. You can see that she finds it easier to discuss her relationship with Thurston through music, so she writes each successive chapter about her favourite songs off each album Sonic Youth made. This style of writing also emphasises Kim's desire to be independent, to be viewed as herself and not just half of the ultimate rock 'n' roll dream couple.
Another one of my favourite moments was when Kim talked about Karen Carpenter. Kim, and Sonic Youth in general, have always had a fascination with Karen, and so have I, so it was great to find out exactly why Kim and the band wrote so many songs about her and covered 'Superstar'. Kim's words about how the music industry and Karen's family destroyed her are really touching and truthful about how horribly sexist the music industry is, and again comes back to Kim's earlier words about women's innate and all-consuming desire to please.
Towards the end of the book, Kim goes into more detail about Thurston's affair and how she found out about it, but she is tasteful and not hateful, never mentioning the woman's name. Kim's strength in this situation is pretty incredible - imagine a 30-year relationship with the father of your only child suddenly ending in an affair. I know I'd have a complete and utter breakdown, and maybe Kim did, but she's never appeared anything other than perfectly composed and a pillar of strength.
Even if you're not a Sonic Youth fan, you will be a Kim Gordon fan after reading this book. My only complaint about it is that it wasn't longer and more in depth, but you can tell that the book is exactly as Kim wanted it to be, it's exactly what she wanted to put out into the world, and it's great. Five stars.
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