"Basketball: freakish giants with midget IQs "dunking" balls in macrame baskets that are the exact height of the players. Football: fat hogs knocking each other down and huddling to tell secrets that no one in his right mind would care to repeat. Boxing: ugly, notoriously underprivileged men beating each other up without the thrill of breaking the law. And skiing: eager-beaver masochists in polyester outfits anxious to break a leg in the name of fitness."

- John Waters on sports