"I don't know if you can relate, but I've been yearning for a little more than the usual earthly meat and drink lately. That's why I've decided to come out of the broom closet and declare myself a bonafide "brony".

One day after an extreme bout of boredom and a walk through an Echo Park bookstore, I stumbled upon a flyer for a screening of Les Miracles de la Mon Petit Poney. I zipped up my fly and hurried to the show. As I sat and watched in amazement, my shingles came to life and I ran from the theater screaming sincerities about popcorn and salted caramel lip balm. This girl across the street came over and slipped a piece of her broken tongue into my nut butter ganache and I instantly calmed down. Over the minutes she became my very own Rainbow Dash and so I married her. She likes to call me Derpy, which is kinda cute when she's having an orgasm. 

Anyway, I know this is extremely unexpected for all of you. But the fact is, Friendship really IS magic (as long as you can listen to Krautrock while allowing the Eternal Feminine to enter you from behind and offering your martyrdom in the form of confessional projectiles of chocolate rain aimed at the elements of disharmony and the memes of Hell). If you're bored and disillusioned, you should really consider joining the corral and getting with the power puff. You'll be glad you did."

- Eric Erlandson