So I love Bill Bailey.

Quite intensely. And I just saw a Kinder Surprise ad, and I just had to post this. No: I was INSPIRED to post this. Yes.

Bill Bailey on Kinder Surprise eggs:

"I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. I call them the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability. And when I buy them, I always ask for them in the third person: "Bill Bailey would like the Eggs Of Numbing Inevitability." I did that the other day and it answered me back, and he said to me: "No, I am Bill Bailey. You are not Bill Bailey, you are just a mere doppelgänger. I am the true Bill Bailey, in another dimension." And I went, "Oh, I hadn't planned on that." Then I thought the only way to solve this, I have to run at my doppelgänger, then we will be fused forever. So I ran full-tilt at it, and just before I got there I realised it was the highly polished side of the cheese counter."

Inspiration?

Okay. I've decided that the next topic I will write about will be Courtney Love. I don't know why I never thought to write about her before.

Corey & Corey.

The Smiths. Morrissey. Seagulls. Bill Bailey. Segway Gimp. Goths. The Hoff. Mr. T. The hose. Cicadas. Spicy fruit loaf. Gottis & guidos. Ashwin. Wistful Melancholy. Batman & Robin. Bob Saget. Owls. Corey Haim. Corey Feldman. Vampire Freaks. The goggles that do nothing. Curlews. The Lollersaur. Vikings. Lolcats. Wololworths, Cuntdown, Panksave & Foddertwon. Corngate. The Magic Roundabout of Doom. Kim Jong Il. The Jed Story. Gimps. Fiery passionfruit. Rodney Hide. The Village People. Ashcoat. Michael Jackson. Monkeys. The Pitch. Typos. Hannibal Lecter. Saying lol at inappropriate moments. Keeping each other sane.

Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves.

Uh. So, I need something to write about. I am itching to write. I can only think of one thing right now but it's personal and inappropriate for this blog. I hope to write a story about it one day though? It's very much the feel-good story of the year.

It would probably be inappropriate for my livejournal too since that also only exists for one specific purpose. I like to have separate places for all my separate brain malfunctions.

I see so many things every day that I could write about, but somehow I forget about them. I think I will make a habit of writing topics down in my notebook.

Sometimes I want to write about bad writing. If that makes sense. Like when I see a blog by someone who proclaims that they are a great writer and then I spot a bunch of grammatical or spelling errors...maybe I'm the only one who finds this kind of stuff hilarious. But that's okay, this blog is for me and the people who understand me. Lol.

Oh dear, I am supposed to be reading Dracula right now. Maybe I will pick out certain details that I find interesting and/or hilarious and write a blog about it. There will definitely be a section on how shit Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula movie is.

I want each post in this blog to be perfectly crafted, like a work of art. I'd like them to all be quite different to each other as well. I'd like to discuss the sexualisation of food, the adult psychological obsession with childhood, gender difference, the joys of unemployment, The Simpsons...and maybe some reviews and crap. Of course, I will continue to write about Batman, Robin and the Coreys, provided I am inspired well enough.